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@  funlife : (14 August 2018 - 08:49 AM)

its hot in pattatya thailand

@  Iamdawon : (13 August 2018 - 10:56 PM)

lol I have my plan to visit... albeit someday lol

@  Sandman!... : (13 August 2018 - 10:20 PM)

PPd Post Philippine Depression a well known sympton ONLY Cure get your Body back to the PI!!

@  Sandman!... : (13 August 2018 - 10:18 PM)

YES lamdawon YES it is...

@  Iamdawon : (13 August 2018 - 07:06 PM)

today is August 13, i was last in phils angeles what Halloween last year lol is it possible symptoms shows up this far from when i maybe contracted?

@  Iamdawon : (13 August 2018 - 06:57 PM)

I think i'm showing signs of STD/STI whatever the hell u call it.. and i was in phils what Halloween last year fuck. piss is painfull as F.. heh

@  BatGuano : (13 August 2018 - 08:27 AM)

Finally I was able to walk around outside.

@  scuba539 : (13 August 2018 - 08:07 AM)

The rain is starting to slow down. Forecast is calling for less and less for the next 10 days.

@  Quill : (13 August 2018 - 07:39 AM)

Hope the rain dies down in two weeks or I'll just have to stay in my ABC Hotel room all the time. Good thing I preordered room(full)service.

@  lazybugger : (12 August 2018 - 04:28 PM)

BIG time

@  jeremy1234 : (12 August 2018 - 11:31 AM)

Still raining in AC? That's gonna confine me to indoor activities

@  BatGuano : (12 August 2018 - 08:36 AM)

Raining sideways in Makati. Still bored.

@  bill44ca : (12 August 2018 - 05:10 AM)

It rained all day yesterday and today so far. Water at heaviest times was boot deep on the streets. In places running like a river

@  Biggles : (12 August 2018 - 03:45 AM)

BG, yes, been here 35 days and I think it has rained every day.,

@  Mentalist : (12 August 2018 - 03:34 AM)

@BatGuano the girls like it when it rains. I wounldnt be bored if i was there. My time come soon, my time come

@  BatGuano : (12 August 2018 - 12:31 AM)

Bored because of the constant rain.

@  Biggles : (11 August 2018 - 10:10 AM)

If your heading to AC bring an umbrella, raincoat and rubber boots. It hasn't stopped raining all day and lots more forecast.,

@  Rockman : (10 August 2018 - 12:09 PM)

Re: Bai Ling, she is early 50's now Still hot, I'd bang her like a storm door in a typhoon. Give her the best 3 minutes of her life..

@  bustahyman : (10 August 2018 - 11:01 AM)

DonaldPaul Apartelle has recently been totally gutted & is now just a bar shell, all furniture & fittings have been removed !

@  mi tasol : (10 August 2018 - 02:33 AM)

@Rockman, she used to be freaky and hot..not so sure now, haven't seen any recent pic's of her..



Photo
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Weening Off Process


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29 replies to this topic

#1 OFFLINE   theothered

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Posted 26 May 2018 - 10:11 PM

In short I've know a bar girl there a long time, there is no way we'd ever have a proper relationship, she knows that and I've made it very clear. She's now saying she loves me but accepts we can never be together, well thats what she tells me. Without going down the "she's different" track  :P she is actually very mature for her age and accepts it's friendship only, but the hints for more are always there. Let me further add that I've lived in Asia a number of years including the Philippines and therefore very experienced in the bar scene. 

 

I like the girl, actually a lot, however I've kept a grasp on the emotions as I know it can't go anywhere however it's not stopped us seeing each other many times over a long period of time probably more than 18 months now. 

 

In brief I respect the girl as a friend, greatly and I don't want to hurt her however she's clearly got feelings and I'm constantly pushing back on her to keep some distance. She's messaging daily and I'm starting to think this isn't healthy longer term but the truth of the matter is that of course "as a friend" I care and really don't like the thought of her working in Angeles albeit it's the place I met her, hypocrite yeah yeah yeah, lol. :) :) 

 

My next trip isn't for a long time, she's now calling me cause she's missing me and part of me thinks this is just all part of the game to pull me back into Angeles sooner, who knows.

 

Anyway, my question is how to I proceed. I don't need responses like "throw my sim" or "find another girl" as I don't care if the feelings are legit or not, I'm not the kinda guy to break hearts however I do think it's at a point now where I need to draw a little more distance from the girl, she clearly can't do the "friend thing" and it's always slipping into something a little deeper. I do really like this girl, so I want to see the best for her and before you ask no I haven't given any money, no I don't sponsor and no I didn't pay for her grandmothers funeral, lol. :) :) :)  

 

I know we have some experienced, and mature members of the group, any thoughts on how to proceed? Maybe I just need a sharp dose of reality check, give it to me guys. :) :) :) share your wisdom with me. 

 

 




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#2 OFFLINE   taco lover

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Posted 26 May 2018 - 11:10 PM

Invite her over for an evening of wild sex, and have 3 buddies waiting to help you enjoy the night



#3 ONLINE   DaManHawaii

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Posted 26 May 2018 - 11:12 PM

"You" and only "you"  have to decide to pull the plug, sometimes this cannot be avoided. You are already a long-term investment, and she has nothing to lose but to work your heartstrings.  She has a bead on you and this is not going away unless you say no more. Simple as that, plus if you truly are never going to be with her quit feeding her hope that she has a chance. Your ongoing communication with here is really leading her along no matter what you say. Time to stop responding to further communications.

 

Fellows this is why the three-night rule is in effect.


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#4 OFFLINE   theothered

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Posted 26 May 2018 - 11:19 PM

"You" and only "you" have to decide to pull the plug, sometimes this cannot be avoided. You are already a long-term investment, and she has nothing to lose but to work your heartstrings. She has a bead on you and this is not going away unless you say no more. Simple as that, plus if you truly are never going to be with her quit feeding her hope that she has a chance. Your ongoing communication with here is really leading her along no matter what you say. Time to stop responding to further communications.

Fellows this is why the three-night rule is in effect.


Yeah I think that is wise. I’ve made it clear from the start friends only but that clearly doesn’t work in AC, or does it? There must be guys here who have genuine friends in AC and managed to keep it at that level without it slipping into something deeper for the girl, or not?


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#5 ONLINE   SSS

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Posted 26 May 2018 - 11:23 PM

I like the girl, actually a lot, however I've kept a grasp on the emotions as I know it can't go anywhere however it's not stopped us seeing each other many times over a long period of time probably more than 18 months now.

 

You knew the pitfalls of entering the rabbit hole.  Still you ignored the warning.  You either re-structure what you got going with this gal or you end it in a honest way.


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#6 OFFLINE   theothered

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Posted 26 May 2018 - 11:31 PM

You knew the pitfalls of entering the rabbit hole. Still you ignored the warning. You either re-structure what you got going with this gal or you end it in a honest way.


Agreed, there’s no need to end anything but the restructure is absolutely what’s needed cause the current status quo isn’t going to work longer term.

I actually had hoped in the 18 - 24 months we’ve known each other she would have found a boyfriend but that’s clearly not happened.

And to be very clear we’ve communicated “friends” from the very start so there’s been no leading anyone on purposefully, it’s only now I feel she’s falling that I’m concerned of her being hurt so I’m trying to be considerate of her feelings that’s all.

Keep the advice coming gents, it’s very helpful.


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#7 ONLINE   SSS

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Posted 26 May 2018 - 11:45 PM

Agreed, there’s no need to end anything but the restructure is absolutely what’s needed cause the current status quo isn’t going to work longer term.

I actually had hoped in the 18 - 24 months we’ve known each other she would have found a boyfriend but that’s clearly not happened.

And to be very clear we’ve communicated “friends” from the very start so there’s been no leading anyone on purposefully, it’s only now I feel she’s falling that I’m concerned of her being hurt so I’m trying to be considerate of her feelings that’s all.

Keep the advice coming gents, it’s very helpful.


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So you got your answer......restructure.  But, it's got to be amenable to the both of you.  To keep things in check, it will be up to you to reinforce the level of your commitment as necessary which could be quite often.  Good thing your not living there or you would be further down the rabbit hole where it becomes much more complicated when trying to claw your way out.  


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#8 ONLINE   jester06

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 12:45 AM

Not much to say in this than, make a plan and move on with it. I mean she is a P4P bargirl in Angeles City...She will eventually get dumped, get her heart broken, etc..call it an occupational hazard...

Just lay down the rules and if she accepts it good, if not we’ll I am pretty sure she will move on eventually...

Good luck



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#9 OFFLINE   paladin001

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 01:59 AM

I am in the same boat at the moment.

 

She wants to get back together and since she has proven that I can not trust her at all as she sees nothing wrong with sleeping around while living with me, I was supporting her.

 

I have told her I am happy to meet her once a week to play pool and share a pizza as friends but thats it. 

 

Either she accepts this new arrangement or not is up to her.

 

I no longer care if she goes along with that or not.



#10 ONLINE   dh842

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 02:55 AM

You say you don't want to hurt but what you're doing is exactly that. You're leading her on. Very hard to go from girl friend to friend in the Philippines. By maintaining contact she thinks you're still interested. Me... I would break all contact.


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#11 ONLINE   larry.in.HCMC

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 03:19 AM

Perhaps she is smart enough to realize that the long term career outlook for a sex worker is pretty bleak.  Regardless of how much income she can pull in when she is young, for most girls, they start at their peak and work their way down, at least in terms of appearance, freshness and desirability.  Maybe a  few can work their way up with incomes for a while under particular situations with marketing and location, but that is another topic.  So, this girl may see her "career" is fading and it is time for a long term solution.  As we all know, lots of Asian girls will marry or attach based on financial/economic reasons and no one sees anything wrong with that.  It is also normal for girls to marry for those reasons and to hope that love will grow in time (versus the love at first sight thing westerners often believe in).  So, the way I see it, this girl may be following her normal instincts which may be working just fine.  Maybe she sees you as the best choice she has found in her time in the industry.  Or, maybe she has several she is working on and hopes to end up with the best choice that pans out.  Who knows?  And, if she is doing that, it can still be in keeping with the idea of trying to build love into an economic choice in the future.  Does not have to mean she is evil, it is more or less the same thing they have to do (or enjoy doing) by selling their time on a hourly basis.  Seems to me she is just getting ready to sell all her time on a permanent basis in the future, and trying to find the right buyer. 

 

I think understanding what she may be up to (very hard to ever be certain in these situations) is easier than knowing what to do about it.  We can and do develop feelings for others based on what they did for us in the past, and sometimes girls really do deserve more from us than a one time payment and a shove out the door.  But it damn sure is a slippery slope when you try to help them, and usually helping them long term is not a good solution.  Usually.  Not always.  The big problem that I see is once a girl has learned about a different world, her original world is no longer much of a consideration.  So what if attractive young women in "da probince" make 70 cents an hour standing around in some fish market?  That is no longer her world, so to this girl, the income level she reached in AC is what matters to her.  Her expectation is a life somewhat on the same level (in terms of income) as to what she is achieving now.  Not much opportunity to take a girl who is earning at that level and knock her back to a normal income (away from the industry) and then help her learn a real skill that will someday bring her back to that level.  Not in this system.  She has one real skill of high value in her country, which of course works against her ever reaching a high level in the normal economy.  Her currently marketable skill can be sold to one man or to many men. It can even be marketed to one man as an exclusive offer, with less than concrete guarantees and no recourse for product failure.  Almost impossible to take this kind of girl back to her teenage years and start over with a real education for a real job.  Not in this system.  We all know all this stuff, as you do. 

 

While she may be a good girl in many ways, as we all know, the industry does have its effects.  Though it is not impossible to overcome those effects in all cases, logic tells us that it is wiser not to try.  Much better to start off with "da probince" girl who has never been through all of that. 

 

 


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#12 ONLINE   kama5522

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 04:33 AM

I had an American friend a few years back known as Tagalog Ken, been living in the PIs for over 30 years, and I heard him talking to an up and coming Superstar in a bar one day

 

He had her sitting on his knee, and he gave her this sage advice

 

"Be nice to the people you meet on the way up,

Because they are the same people you will meet on your way down"


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#13 OFFLINE   Xanadu

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 05:20 AM

You are good to her when you see her and you have been honest. Your conscience should be clear. Stop worrying about her feelings. First you can never be sure what they really are and she can always move on if she wants. Would she be happier if you dumped her. Who knows. Perhaps having a little hope that she can escape her current lifestyle is a positive even if it can never be realised. It's probably better having some hope than having no hope in her life. Certainly you shouldn't feel guilty about it. If you enjoy seeing her occasionally and can put up with daily messaging continue, if not end it. 


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#14 OFFLINE   theothered

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 08:09 AM

You say you don't want to hurt but what you're doing is exactly that. You're leading her on. Very hard to go from girl friend to friend in the Philippines. By maintaining contact she thinks you're still interested. Me... I would break all contact.


Please read the post before commenting like this. No one is playing anyone, we’ve both said friends and nothing more from start. We aren’t in a relationship that needs pulling back from. I’m simply in a friendship, I’ve told her there is no future beyond friends. I’m not sure how much more clear I can be than that I’m afraid.



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#15 ONLINE   jeffjones

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 08:18 AM

Keep reinforcing her "friend" status and reduce Comms without ending them.
In the end you may have to be frank and tell her you don't want to hurt her but she will never be anything but a friend and if she refuses to accept that, you will have to end the friendship.
They're endlessly practical she will adjust, chances are she already has but is playing her prospects.
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#16 OFFLINE   theothered

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 08:18 AM

You are good to her when you see her and you have been honest. Your conscience should be clear. Stop worrying about her feelings. First you can never be sure what they really are and she can always move on if she wants. Would she be happier if you dumped her. Who knows. Perhaps having a little hope that she can escape her current lifestyle is a positive even if it can never be realised. It's probably better having some hope than having no hope in her life. Certainly you shouldn't feel guilty about it. If you enjoy seeing her occasionally and can put up with daily messaging continue, if not end it.


I think that pretty much sums it all up :) great response, thanks.


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#17 ONLINE   Weeboy

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 09:50 AM

Invite her for a threesome with your wife, oh I forgot you changed your mind on that as well. You are apparently an experienced monger but you dont know how to ignore a bar girls messages and just block contact.
Postcount is rising rapidly though.

#18 OFFLINE   theothered

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 09:54 AM

Invite her for a threesome with your wife, oh I forgot you changed your mind on that as well. You are apparently an experienced monger but you dont know how to ignore a bar girls messages and just block contact.
Postcount is rising rapidly though.


That’s useful, 20 seconds of my life I won’t get back thanks.


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#19 ONLINE   Weeboy

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 10:04 AM

Is this the same girl you want to barfine for 7 days, talk about weening her off :)
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#20 OFFLINE   theothered

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 10:08 AM

Is this the same girl you want to barfine for 7 days, talk about weening her off :)


My only hope is that one day I’m as wise as you sir and hopefully then I won’t need to seek guidance from others. Till that day I admit I am not perfect and have the humility to admit as much and that I hope makes me a better person.



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#21 OFFLINE   concarne

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 10:54 AM

Well, I think Larry's comments/advice is spot on.

 

I have had several friends in AC over the years.  Some of them are gone now and I have lost contact, others moved on (with foreigners or without), some are still there despite only planning on working in bar for a few months, some still have no boyfriend, some are still 20...etc.

 

What I have noticed is that if you keep on returning every message promptly, if you do see them frequently every time you are in town (every other day as opposed to once for pool or lunch or a quickie) then they will keep on messaging and wanting to meet and hook up all the time.  Why would they not?  They like you for a reason: handsome, fat, thin, rich, fuck for 3 minutes, are nice to them, break from the bar...whatever it is there is something they enjoy that you provide.  But, unfortunately, while you likely have MANY options in entertainment (travel to other places, other bar girls) she may only be truly comfortable with a select few....for whatever reason.

 

Trust me when I say that if you gradually decrease the messaging, take longer to answer, see her more sporadically (but still a good time to be had by all) then she will get what the new real norm is.  It will take a little bit of time, likely not as long as you think, and then it will all be good.

 

Good luck!


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#22 OFFLINE   Terilowski

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 11:27 AM

   A girl like her can be a great wingman type. I would bring her closer and make sure she is your number 1 girl, but then make sure she understands that you will always need to fuck strays without having to look over your shoulder. Get her involved with other girls and try to initiate girl/girl fun for you. I think you're quite fortunate to have such a great girl

  I see your situation from my perspective, although my gf is a normal non-working girl. She's been in love with me since we met in Jan/2010. We've had some bumps in the road, but she's been a great friend and loves hanging out with me. She knows how men are and allows me to have my discreet fucking outside of our relationship. It's a win/win for us. We did try a threesome, but she couldn't watch me fucking another girl. She knows I like that and is just fine with me doing it, as long as I play safe. I try to be completely honest and it seems to be the best policy. 


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#23 ONLINE   Rick20119

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 11:43 AM

Just to add my 2 pesos, I think concarne gave some great advice about gradually slowing down response time and she'll eventually "get it." To really drive the point home when you are in town you can ask her to fix you up with other girls. Now this could go 2 ways. It could make her realize that there will never be romance between you are it could go the other way and she snaps like girls in another thread and she starts throwing rocks at your hotel and jumping on taxis. Tread lightly my friend!

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#24 ONLINE   jeffjones

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 12:40 PM

Just to add my 2 pesos, I think concarne gave some great advice about gradually slowing down response time and she'll eventually "get it." To really drive the point home when you are in town you can ask her to fix you up with other girls. Now this could go 2 ways. It could make her realize that there will never be romance between you are it could go the other way and she snaps like girls in another thread and she starts throwing rocks at your hotel and jumping on taxis. Tread lightly my friend!

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Ween her off slowly, reduce the number and frequency of replies, as soon as she hooks a sucker ? Job done you won't hear from her again, until that "relationship" tanks.
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#25 ONLINE   Parne

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Posted 27 May 2018 - 03:03 PM

3 D.A.Y R.U.L.E 

 

eliminates all the DRAMA.:):):)


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